Thursday, February 25, 2010
Sincere
I know I meant it. I wish I could somehow say different. The real you left too soon. The fake me left too late.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Would you be mad if I hung around, and we talked liked we used to for a while? Would you be mad if the world were lies, and the only way to live was to love? Would you mad if I was by your side, and I tried, I tried to help you up? And you said "nothing has changed, I'm still the same, I just got confused for a while." But I still care, I still wanna share all of our stories for a while. Nothing has changed, they just got rearranged, I miss you like the nighttime misses day.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Dear God
Dear God,
You are absolutely blowing my mind. Please don't stop. Keep my eyes on You and off of me.
Love, Adam
You are absolutely blowing my mind. Please don't stop. Keep my eyes on You and off of me.
Love, Adam
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
The Road, Narrow. The Way, Hard.
At the exact moment, I have this inkling inside that is just telling me to write. I have no idea what to write, but I just have this strong urge to do so. So that is what I am going to do. I am new to this feeling.
There is a gang of things going through my head right now, shocker I know. So I think I could do myself a courtesy by getting at least one of them down on paper. Lately I've been scared. Scared for the people around me. As a follower of Jesus Christ, I've been worried about the people who don't know Him. Worried for the one's who have heard of Him, heard His story, but want nothing to do with Him. But only recently has the Lord given me a strong desire to reach so many of those who think that they are saved, but are deceived. They are all around us. I am friends with many, others are distant acquaintances. Some faces immediately come to mind and am more worried about than others, some show life ever so frequently, and it's hard to distinguish if their motives are genuine or self motivated. Regardless, I almost feel that there's an equal urgency within the church than there is outside of it. So many have grown up within the church walls that they have become numb to the message of Jesus, and have accustomed to religious duty. And that is scary.
I often feel the need to humble myself before I get to talking about Jesus, so again that is what I'll do. I don't want anyone to think that I am even close to "having it together", or that I'm somehow exempt from the topics that I write about. Today, I've probably gone to Jesus for forgiveness more times than you can count on both hands. Anyone who knows me well, knows that my favorite church hymn is "Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing". There is a reason for that. I am just as prone to wander from my God as anybody else, and it is by His grace only that I am right here by His side.
A few verses have laid heavy on my heart lately. But one particular set of verses have been etched in my mind more than others over the past two weeks or so. And most professing believers have read them time and again. "Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few"(Matthew 7:14). I always used read those verses and just assume that I was on that narrow path. I called myself a Christian, therefore I must be walking along the narrow. That's what I told myself. So I would go to church on Sunday, smile at a few people, hear a convicting message, maybe think about it for the day, and then go back to my comfortable way of living on Monday morning. Hang out at youth/college group during the week, maybe even go to Bible Study. But if I were to really stop and truly ask myself why I was going to so many church oriented events, my honest answer would be because they were fun, and I met some cool people and pretty Christian girls. The added bonus was that God's Word was spoken there, but that wasn't my reason for going. If someone were to ask me why I went, I would give them the "Christian" answer, and maybe even convince myself that I had the right motives. Again, I would feel convicted, but walk away with my lifestyle unchanged.
Even after accepting Jesus as my Saviour, I always had this tendency to test God. At least I feel that way. I never did it knowingly, but I just feel like I would go through so many dry spells that would lead me to doubt Him. Doubted His power, doubted His presence, sometimes even His existence. I just rarely felt Him so I was just left unsure if He was really there. God's way of responding to my lack of faith usually resulted in a drastic experience for me, but in the end each event has only brought me closer to Him and I praise Him for every trial that He's pulled me through. That is weird actually seeing those words typed out. But it's the truth, I am a hard headed idiot at times. And without question, if it wasn't for Him shaking up my life the way that He has, I wouldn't be where I am right now--hands wide open, fully submitted to His will, and more in love with Him than I ever have been. If it was up to me, I'd be out living my life, doing my thing, following my plans, living my idea of a comfortable, casual life. And then when He comes back in all of His glory, expect Him to look at me and tell me that I had walked the narrow path? Not a chance.
The reason I give you a little mini-testimony on my life is because I am scared. Worried for so many people in the church who think they are saved but are living a lie. I see that old me in so many professing believers, people who say that they love Jesus but don't show it by a genuine lifestyle change. Their lives look NO different than the world around us. They blend right in. In them I see that guy in me who attended church activities for selfish reasons, to get the pat on the back, and make myself believe that I was really saved.
The road is narrow and the way is hard. And few find it. That's what scares me.
Jesus never implied following Him to be easy. We're not only called but commanded to deny ourselves and take up our crosses daily. The road narrow, the way hard. Genuine salvation is truly by faith and faith alone. But just as His word says, that faith is not saving faith is it doesn't display itself in works (James 2:17). We are not saved because of what we do, but because of what Jesus has already done. We won't have to consciously remind ourselves to do a bunch of deeds on some kind of Christian checklist. We will just do them naturally, because God's greatest act of love has transformed the way that we think.
Just some "food for thought", I guess. I honestly don't know very much. But I'm trying with each passing day to learn more and more about this amazing God. And I believe this truth with all of my heart. I don't want anyone to be deceived. I want to spend eternity with all of my friends and family. If any part of this rant stirs in your heart in the least, please just go to Jesus with it. Call on Him, I promise you He will listen. Or come talk to me about it. Again, I'm just a 22 year old kid and I don't know much, but I can tell you how I changed. How Jesus changed me. Love you all.
-Adam
"We are surrounded by unconverted people who think they do believe in Jesus. Drunks on the street say they believe. Unmarried couples sleeping together say they believe. Elderly people who haven't sought worship or fellowship in forty years say they believe. All kinds of lukewarm, world-loving church attenders say they believe. The world abounds with millions of unconverted people who say they believe in Jesus." - John Piper
"I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth." - Revelation 3:15-16
"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ." -Philippians 3:8
There is a gang of things going through my head right now, shocker I know. So I think I could do myself a courtesy by getting at least one of them down on paper. Lately I've been scared. Scared for the people around me. As a follower of Jesus Christ, I've been worried about the people who don't know Him. Worried for the one's who have heard of Him, heard His story, but want nothing to do with Him. But only recently has the Lord given me a strong desire to reach so many of those who think that they are saved, but are deceived. They are all around us. I am friends with many, others are distant acquaintances. Some faces immediately come to mind and am more worried about than others, some show life ever so frequently, and it's hard to distinguish if their motives are genuine or self motivated. Regardless, I almost feel that there's an equal urgency within the church than there is outside of it. So many have grown up within the church walls that they have become numb to the message of Jesus, and have accustomed to religious duty. And that is scary.
I often feel the need to humble myself before I get to talking about Jesus, so again that is what I'll do. I don't want anyone to think that I am even close to "having it together", or that I'm somehow exempt from the topics that I write about. Today, I've probably gone to Jesus for forgiveness more times than you can count on both hands. Anyone who knows me well, knows that my favorite church hymn is "Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing". There is a reason for that. I am just as prone to wander from my God as anybody else, and it is by His grace only that I am right here by His side.
A few verses have laid heavy on my heart lately. But one particular set of verses have been etched in my mind more than others over the past two weeks or so. And most professing believers have read them time and again. "Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few"(Matthew 7:14). I always used read those verses and just assume that I was on that narrow path. I called myself a Christian, therefore I must be walking along the narrow. That's what I told myself. So I would go to church on Sunday, smile at a few people, hear a convicting message, maybe think about it for the day, and then go back to my comfortable way of living on Monday morning. Hang out at youth/college group during the week, maybe even go to Bible Study. But if I were to really stop and truly ask myself why I was going to so many church oriented events, my honest answer would be because they were fun, and I met some cool people and pretty Christian girls. The added bonus was that God's Word was spoken there, but that wasn't my reason for going. If someone were to ask me why I went, I would give them the "Christian" answer, and maybe even convince myself that I had the right motives. Again, I would feel convicted, but walk away with my lifestyle unchanged.
Even after accepting Jesus as my Saviour, I always had this tendency to test God. At least I feel that way. I never did it knowingly, but I just feel like I would go through so many dry spells that would lead me to doubt Him. Doubted His power, doubted His presence, sometimes even His existence. I just rarely felt Him so I was just left unsure if He was really there. God's way of responding to my lack of faith usually resulted in a drastic experience for me, but in the end each event has only brought me closer to Him and I praise Him for every trial that He's pulled me through. That is weird actually seeing those words typed out. But it's the truth, I am a hard headed idiot at times. And without question, if it wasn't for Him shaking up my life the way that He has, I wouldn't be where I am right now--hands wide open, fully submitted to His will, and more in love with Him than I ever have been. If it was up to me, I'd be out living my life, doing my thing, following my plans, living my idea of a comfortable, casual life. And then when He comes back in all of His glory, expect Him to look at me and tell me that I had walked the narrow path? Not a chance.
The reason I give you a little mini-testimony on my life is because I am scared. Worried for so many people in the church who think they are saved but are living a lie. I see that old me in so many professing believers, people who say that they love Jesus but don't show it by a genuine lifestyle change. Their lives look NO different than the world around us. They blend right in. In them I see that guy in me who attended church activities for selfish reasons, to get the pat on the back, and make myself believe that I was really saved.
The road is narrow and the way is hard. And few find it. That's what scares me.
Jesus never implied following Him to be easy. We're not only called but commanded to deny ourselves and take up our crosses daily. The road narrow, the way hard. Genuine salvation is truly by faith and faith alone. But just as His word says, that faith is not saving faith is it doesn't display itself in works (James 2:17). We are not saved because of what we do, but because of what Jesus has already done. We won't have to consciously remind ourselves to do a bunch of deeds on some kind of Christian checklist. We will just do them naturally, because God's greatest act of love has transformed the way that we think.
Just some "food for thought", I guess. I honestly don't know very much. But I'm trying with each passing day to learn more and more about this amazing God. And I believe this truth with all of my heart. I don't want anyone to be deceived. I want to spend eternity with all of my friends and family. If any part of this rant stirs in your heart in the least, please just go to Jesus with it. Call on Him, I promise you He will listen. Or come talk to me about it. Again, I'm just a 22 year old kid and I don't know much, but I can tell you how I changed. How Jesus changed me. Love you all.
-Adam
"We are surrounded by unconverted people who think they do believe in Jesus. Drunks on the street say they believe. Unmarried couples sleeping together say they believe. Elderly people who haven't sought worship or fellowship in forty years say they believe. All kinds of lukewarm, world-loving church attenders say they believe. The world abounds with millions of unconverted people who say they believe in Jesus." - John Piper
"I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth." - Revelation 3:15-16
"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ." -Philippians 3:8
Monday, January 4, 2010
Friday, January 1, 2010
Why I Write
I write a lot. A lot more than what I write on here. I write because I think all the time, and I've come to the sorry realization that as a human being I can only remember so much in my lifetime.
The majority of my life I won't even remember. That's a pretty sad reality if you think about it. I only came to the realization myself because I read it in a book. "The saddest thing about life is you don't remember half of it. You don't even remember half of half of it. Not even a tiny percentage, if you want to know the truth. Life isn't memorable enough to remember everything. It's not like there are explosions happening all the time or dogs smoking cigarettes." The first time I read that, I wasn't sure if I agreed. But after thinking about it, and reminiscing back on my own life, I think for the most part it's a pretty true statement. And that's sad to me. The only things we really remember are the major events and genuine people that impact us along the way. You remember the one that you fall in love with, and the one that breaks your heart. Sometimes the one you love is the one that breaks your heart. Life-threatening experiences, and when life is taken away from somebody that you love. Your first kiss, the day you lose your virginity, your first fight. Basically your "first" anything. But in perspective, outside of a few other random experiences, most is forgotten.
That is why I write. I don't write for any other reason than to remember my life, remember the sweet, genuine people that I meet, and to grow from past experiences. I write because I'm hyper critical of myself. Not in the emo, self-pity sort of way, but in the fact that I often see error in my life that does not line up with the Jesus that I claim to follow. And I cannot be content with that. If I am than I have an even greater problem. I've counted the cost and made the choice to try every single day to mirror the life that He lived. It's the same choice that every true follower of Jesus Christ has made. I will fail every single day in trying. But it's only when I stop recognizing that I'm messed up and stop asking for His help in trying to change, that is when I have real issues. I don't write because I think I'm better than anyone else. I write because I know I'm just as much a sinner as the next person is.
This is me. I have nothing to hide. Help me remember, I want to help you remember too. We are here for Him.
The majority of my life I won't even remember. That's a pretty sad reality if you think about it. I only came to the realization myself because I read it in a book. "The saddest thing about life is you don't remember half of it. You don't even remember half of half of it. Not even a tiny percentage, if you want to know the truth. Life isn't memorable enough to remember everything. It's not like there are explosions happening all the time or dogs smoking cigarettes." The first time I read that, I wasn't sure if I agreed. But after thinking about it, and reminiscing back on my own life, I think for the most part it's a pretty true statement. And that's sad to me. The only things we really remember are the major events and genuine people that impact us along the way. You remember the one that you fall in love with, and the one that breaks your heart. Sometimes the one you love is the one that breaks your heart. Life-threatening experiences, and when life is taken away from somebody that you love. Your first kiss, the day you lose your virginity, your first fight. Basically your "first" anything. But in perspective, outside of a few other random experiences, most is forgotten.
That is why I write. I don't write for any other reason than to remember my life, remember the sweet, genuine people that I meet, and to grow from past experiences. I write because I'm hyper critical of myself. Not in the emo, self-pity sort of way, but in the fact that I often see error in my life that does not line up with the Jesus that I claim to follow. And I cannot be content with that. If I am than I have an even greater problem. I've counted the cost and made the choice to try every single day to mirror the life that He lived. It's the same choice that every true follower of Jesus Christ has made. I will fail every single day in trying. But it's only when I stop recognizing that I'm messed up and stop asking for His help in trying to change, that is when I have real issues. I don't write because I think I'm better than anyone else. I write because I know I'm just as much a sinner as the next person is.
This is me. I have nothing to hide. Help me remember, I want to help you remember too. We are here for Him.
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