It's been 4 days and the fire hasn't dwindled. And so I'll write in hopes that it continues to burn more and more each and every day. Then when I get caught up with myself, my problems, and other distractions, I will look here to remember where my heart is, where my heart needs to be. Where everyone's heart who carries the name of Jesus needs to be.
Three weeks ago I went to a show in Hollywood. It was one of those nights that dropped into the mid twenties. Beyond cold. As I was sprinting out of the Troubador and down Santa Monica Blvd to get back into my car and turn on the heater, I looked to my right to see a homeless man bundled up the best that he possibly could be in the doorway of a local shop. His sleeping bag too small for his body, and his feet hanging out of the end. My heart sank into my chest like it hadn't in months. There was nothing that I could do, I felt at the time, and I didn't have a dime on me. So I shook the thought from my head and continued jogging to my car. After resting my hands up against the vents of the heater and gaining feeling back into my own hands, I put on some music and started home. My heart rose back into its normal position until my head hit the pillow that night.
I laid there for a good 30 minutes just thinking about how blessed I really am. I have a warm bed to come home to every night. I have a roof over my head. I have a kitchen full of food less than 20 feet from where I type these words. I have an amazing family that I love and can always count on. The man on Santa Monica Blvd and the thousands of other homeless people that sleep the city streets less than 45 miles from my house have none of that. I'm not trying to make this sound any more dramatic than it needs to be, but it really made me think, and I won't dumb down how desperate these people really are.
A few days went by and I started to get back into the routine of my comfortable life. I had a gang of thoughts running through my head and just about the last thing that I was thinking about were people who were literally dying for something to eat. A few hours later I received a text from a friend saying she was trying to get some people together to drive down to Santa Monica to feed the homeless Christmas Eve dinner. I committed and didn't think twice about it. I had spent a few nights on skid row in the past, but apparently had forgotten what an experience it is to just forget about my own desires, my own selfish wants, and to love the unloved. Still, I didn't expect much more than a few shy smiles as I passed out dinner to the people who would spend Christmas morning alone. Regardless, I was stoked for the opportunity and of the selflessness of the other 5 people that were going, and I didn't want to underestimate what God was and is capable of doing.
I would love to write down every little intricate detail of what happened, but for times sake, I'll condense. It's amazing to look back at the situation, see how many things could have went wrong, and then see how God protected and provided in every situation. I think every person that we talked with impacted each of us in a different way. For me personally, one particular man impacted me the most. His name was Richard. He didn't look much older than 30 and was the one of the sweetest, happiest guys that I've met in a very long time. Homeless and happy? Sounds like an oxymoron. Not only that, but he seemed content. Let me clarify. There is a big difference between a homeless person and a bum. A bum will always be a bum, they're content being a bum because it's the only life they know and they've learned to like it. They have no intentions of getting off of the streets. Richard was the furthest thing from a bum. But he was content in the fact that he realized his homelessness was from God. God has placed him in his current situation for reasons unknown to me, and I'm sure unknown to Richard, but he is content in that and seems to be trusting God with the situation. It blew my mind to see that kind of trust come from a man who has nothing. I met him with nothing more than a coat on his back and I didn't hear him complain one time. It really made me look at myself and the stupid things that I want, that I think I need. He has to worry about what he is going to eat tomorrow. He has to worry about staying warm tonight. He woke up on Christmas morning with no one to even smile at him. And yet I sit here and complain that I don't have enough money in my accounts. That I'm hungry. It makes me sick to think about how many stupid things I worry about.
I could write paragraph after paragraph about the time that I shared with Richard, even though we only talked for 45 minutes. For any one who was there and spoke to him, I'm sure you feel the same. All I ask is that you pray for him. Everyone, please just pray for him.
I wrote this extensive post for a few reasons. I don't want to forget the experience. I don't want this to be something that I do when 'I feel like it'. It needs to be a regular thing. As Christians, we are commanded to love these people. Jesus says repeatedly all through scripture that if we truly love him, we will follow his commandments. He also commands that we remain in His love, and that the only way to remain in His love is to keep His commandments (John 15). I don't understand how people who claim to love Jesus and to love people, can sit back, pursue what they want to pursue, enjoy what they want to enjoy, and turn a blind eye to the people that we are commanded to love. I was that person, I still am that person, but I'm trying every single day to change from that person. Because I believe with my whole heart that I can't just believe and follow some of the Word. It's all or none. I think any professing believer would agree with that statement. For your own sakes, read 1 John 3:16-17. Let God's Word speak to you in itself. If you are turning a blind eye to these people desperately in need of your love, then God's love is not within you. Blunt, yes. But I'd rather be blunt then let a brother or sister continue living a lie.
It's just something that has really laid heavy on my heart lately, and I wanted to share it in hopes of challenging others to consider the way that they are living their life, and the things that they are consuming their time with--as well as asking that fellow believers do the same for me. That they might hold me accountable in reminding me to keep my heart where it needs to be, where it is commanded to be. These people need our love.
"For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me. Then they also will answer, saying, "Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?" Then He will answer them saying, "Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me." And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life." Matthew 25:42-46
"We know what real love is because Jesus gave up His life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion, how can God's love be in that person?" 1 John 3:16-17
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Profit Motive
"You gave your life away in hopes for something more.
Did you think you would find the answer to questions centuries old by sitting on your hands? You wont find your answer.
Say what you came here to say. All eyes are fixed on ruins.
If there's a hope for change to be made, then now is your time to deliver.
Rise above. The calm is wearing thin.
Rise above.
I feel this growing.
This is love.
It's what we're made for.
This, this is love.
We're never backing down.
This time I am so sincere.
You blot out the sun with your mouth open wide, and built a spiritless empire to reach your heaven.
You're stumbling.
You're tripping now.
How worthless this all seems.
And your time is running out.
How worthless this all seems.
Take an axe to the root.
Cut out your eye.
The towers crumble.
The lowly sing. We all sing.
This is me. I know it's not what you wanted.
This is me. My heart is so sincere."
Did you think you would find the answer to questions centuries old by sitting on your hands? You wont find your answer.
Say what you came here to say. All eyes are fixed on ruins.
If there's a hope for change to be made, then now is your time to deliver.
Rise above. The calm is wearing thin.
Rise above.
I feel this growing.
This is love.
It's what we're made for.
This, this is love.
We're never backing down.
This time I am so sincere.
You blot out the sun with your mouth open wide, and built a spiritless empire to reach your heaven.
You're stumbling.
You're tripping now.
How worthless this all seems.
And your time is running out.
How worthless this all seems.
Take an axe to the root.
Cut out your eye.
The towers crumble.
The lowly sing. We all sing.
This is me. I know it's not what you wanted.
This is me. My heart is so sincere."
Monday, December 21, 2009
Purpose
Haven't really had a whole lot of time to think lately. Sometimes that's a good thing. At this exact moment it's probably a really good thing. I have way too much on my mind. But I've really missed it these past couple of days.
Thinking, for me, means evaluating. It's the time that I get to shut out the distractions that are thrown at me every single day, and look at my life and ask myself what I'm doing that actually matters. Am I really characterized by being set apart from the world around me? Sometimes I feel like I'm too hard on myself. Maybe I'm setting expectations too high. Like maybe I should try this whole "do what makes me happy" thing. And I do, so so often. I'll lose sight of the fact that I'm here for another 30-40 years if I'm lucky, and that unfortunately this life is not about me. I'll enjoy temporary pleasures here and there, forget that the majority of the people around me do not know Jesus, and then just as my head hits the pillow at night feel completely empty about how I sometimes spend my days.
I hope and pray that I am never ever content. Content in Jesus, yes. Content with myself and who I am, never. I want purpose in my every step. Every single step. These are my new intentions. Without you, Jesus, my intentions hold no weight. I need these rooted in You.
Things I am stoked on right now(in no particular order) -
1) People completely sold out for Jesus Christ.
2) Genuine people Jesus is throwing into my life.
3) EBC!
4) Grandparents coming down in 2 days!
5) The Eagles are 10-4.
6) New Gwen Stacy. Nuff said.
7) Starting up the skate ministry at Impact.
8) Writing new music.
9) Ice-blocking.
10) My small group guys!
Things I'm not so stoked on right now(in very particular order) -
1.) procrastination
1.) pride
1.) lust
1.) self-doubt
1.) lack of trusting my God at all times
2.) people being deceived by material securities
3.) overcautious mind-sets
4.) it is 2:03am, thus I am beyond tired
5.) I just used the word 'thus'
6.) lack of fundage(money), therefore putting a hold on more tattoos
7.) I have no socks on, I can't feel my toes.
Goodnight to anyone who takes time to read my blah blah.
Thinking, for me, means evaluating. It's the time that I get to shut out the distractions that are thrown at me every single day, and look at my life and ask myself what I'm doing that actually matters. Am I really characterized by being set apart from the world around me? Sometimes I feel like I'm too hard on myself. Maybe I'm setting expectations too high. Like maybe I should try this whole "do what makes me happy" thing. And I do, so so often. I'll lose sight of the fact that I'm here for another 30-40 years if I'm lucky, and that unfortunately this life is not about me. I'll enjoy temporary pleasures here and there, forget that the majority of the people around me do not know Jesus, and then just as my head hits the pillow at night feel completely empty about how I sometimes spend my days.
I hope and pray that I am never ever content. Content in Jesus, yes. Content with myself and who I am, never. I want purpose in my every step. Every single step. These are my new intentions. Without you, Jesus, my intentions hold no weight. I need these rooted in You.
Things I am stoked on right now(in no particular order) -
1) People completely sold out for Jesus Christ.
2) Genuine people Jesus is throwing into my life.
3) EBC!
4) Grandparents coming down in 2 days!
5) The Eagles are 10-4.
6) New Gwen Stacy. Nuff said.
7) Starting up the skate ministry at Impact.
8) Writing new music.
9) Ice-blocking.
10) My small group guys!
Things I'm not so stoked on right now(in very particular order) -
1.) procrastination
1.) pride
1.) lust
1.) self-doubt
1.) lack of trusting my God at all times
2.) people being deceived by material securities
3.) overcautious mind-sets
4.) it is 2:03am, thus I am beyond tired
5.) I just used the word 'thus'
6.) lack of fundage(money), therefore putting a hold on more tattoos
7.) I have no socks on, I can't feel my toes.
Goodnight to anyone who takes time to read my blah blah.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Someone I Used To Know
5/19/2009 10:33 PM
"I want to die at age eighty. I want to be hand in hand with my husband, lying in the soft, fine sand of our secret spot on the beach. On this beautiful August night, we will have brought our guitars to our secret place, played our last acoustic hymn in our earthly bodies, eagerly awaiting the greater adventure about to take hold of us. There will be a full moon, and the constellations will shine brighter than ever before, we will be in complete and utter peace. A cold, sad death, full of tears and melancholy goodbyes is not for me. I know where I'm going, and for that, I can only imagine with eager anticipation to dance with my Savior one day. A comfortable, American life is not for me. And when my day does come, I want to go confident that I spent every day since I dedicated my life to Jesus living completely for Him. Maybe I won't die with my husband on the beach; I might die in Cambodia, in an attempt to fight human trafficking. Or I might die in Africa, from an open wound around a bleeding AIDS patient, who shared with me the object of their fatality. Or I might die tomorrow night, on my way home from Bible study, by a driver who had too much to drink. Regardless how I go, I can say with fervent honesty that my goals and priorities in life are radically different then the goals of most other high school students, or any normal human being for that matter. I don't want to waste my life chasing the American dream. I want to spend my life fighting for what matters most to me, my faith. I want to do everything I can to help others find the love and peace that I have been graciously and freely given, the love that can only be found in Jesus Christ. I want to be called radical, extreme, and maybe even weird, if that’s what it takes to help others learn. Life is short, so what matters to me is what comes after. It might seem odd that I haven’t written any other life goals, because I have none. I want to love others, and humble myself. Not for the glory of being a hero, because no good works I do comes from me."
I used to know this girl. These were her dreams.
I don't know what changed her mind, or where she went, but I miss her.
"I want to die at age eighty. I want to be hand in hand with my husband, lying in the soft, fine sand of our secret spot on the beach. On this beautiful August night, we will have brought our guitars to our secret place, played our last acoustic hymn in our earthly bodies, eagerly awaiting the greater adventure about to take hold of us. There will be a full moon, and the constellations will shine brighter than ever before, we will be in complete and utter peace. A cold, sad death, full of tears and melancholy goodbyes is not for me. I know where I'm going, and for that, I can only imagine with eager anticipation to dance with my Savior one day. A comfortable, American life is not for me. And when my day does come, I want to go confident that I spent every day since I dedicated my life to Jesus living completely for Him. Maybe I won't die with my husband on the beach; I might die in Cambodia, in an attempt to fight human trafficking. Or I might die in Africa, from an open wound around a bleeding AIDS patient, who shared with me the object of their fatality. Or I might die tomorrow night, on my way home from Bible study, by a driver who had too much to drink. Regardless how I go, I can say with fervent honesty that my goals and priorities in life are radically different then the goals of most other high school students, or any normal human being for that matter. I don't want to waste my life chasing the American dream. I want to spend my life fighting for what matters most to me, my faith. I want to do everything I can to help others find the love and peace that I have been graciously and freely given, the love that can only be found in Jesus Christ. I want to be called radical, extreme, and maybe even weird, if that’s what it takes to help others learn. Life is short, so what matters to me is what comes after. It might seem odd that I haven’t written any other life goals, because I have none. I want to love others, and humble myself. Not for the glory of being a hero, because no good works I do comes from me."
I used to know this girl. These were her dreams.
I don't know what changed her mind, or where she went, but I miss her.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
"It's 3am, I'm awake and my heart is still dreaming"
It is pouring outside. There is nothing in this world like the sound of rain. It's beautiful. I cannot fall asleep. I have way too much on my mind to sleep. Tell me I'm not the only one who has those times when there is so much on your mind that you don't even know where to begin to start expressing those thoughts.
That is where I'm at right now. At 2:12am.
Before I go a step further, I want to clarify that this blog is a place for me to be real. This is not me sugar coating my life or coming up with something fancy to say to try and impress. I refuse to be one of those cocky people that no one wants to be around who says "this is me, if you don't like it, then step off", that is not what I'm saying. All I'm saying is that this is the real Adam, I guess you could say, the 'new' Adam. I mean I'm still the same ridiculous guy, but the God that I serve has been radically changing my thinking and this is my spot to document that change, and to grow in Him, and to hopefully be able to encourage anyone who needs encouragement. This is me being real.
Jesus has been testing me like crazy lately, at least I think He has. I'm not a big fan of when people try and chart God and say that they just 'know' that God is testing them. I completely believe that God has placed the Holy Spirit inside of me to discern right from wrong, and to do amazing things through me. But I also believe that as a flawed human being, I, like anyone else, can be deceived and subconsciously stir up feelings within myself and call them 'from God' if I so choose. And if the Lord intended me to move on every feeling that I had within myself, then what would be the point of faith? That is why I feel it is so important to turn to like-minded believers and ultimately to God's perfect Word for the answers. I cannot move entirely off feelings, and if I did I'd probably be getting myself into a lot of trouble.
Anyway, back to my original thought. Testing. The Bible is clear in multiple verses that the Lord tests us to refine our faith (James 1:3-4). And even commands that we evaluate ourselves and our faith on a regular basis (can't remember the exact passage but I just read it recently!). Well, I really feel like God has been testing me a lot lately. I don't feel like it's super necessary to go into details, but the amazing thing about God is that even though it hurts me inside, and makes me want to break down and cry at times, it has brought me to the point of placing my trust completely in Him. And there is no other feeling like that. I wish you all could feel it, and I'm sure some of you have. It's nothing supernatural, it's just coming that point of realization and complete surrender in knowing that Jesus is in absolute control of the situation, of every situation. That used to bother me. I used to be upset that I had no control over my life, that there was no use in making any plans because 1.) God determines my steps (Proverbs 16:9) and 2.) I could die tomorrow (James 4:13-14). But once I reached my so-called "rock-bottom" and was reminded by Jesus that the 70 years I'm on this earth is not about me, and that "everything comes from Him and exists by His power and is intended for His glory" (Romans 11 36), it no longer bothered me. In fact, it was actually a relief to know that I am not in control, that I can go to Him for rest when I am weak and cast those burdens on Him. That I'm here for 2 reasons, to love Jesus and to love people. To love.
That idea of love is a touchy subject, a very opinionated subject. And anyone who knows me knows that I am a very opinionated individual. That is why I am throwing my opinions in the garbage and relying on God's word for the true definition of love. I have loved one girl in my 21 years and 11 months on this earth. One girl. She is an amazing girl with an incredible heart, regardless of what she wants to make me think. There is no reason to pen her name, she knows exactly who she is. No, this is not an open session for me to ramble about relationships, or the past, or to gossip or change topic. I promise it will tie in to my original thought/thoughts. I loved this girl, I still love this girl, and at times I wish I didn't. It would make things so much easier. We didn't always get along, we were both very opinionated, we were both very alike. Way more alike than either of us care to admit. We didn't always honor the Lord. We were consumed with what we wanted, with our plans, so much so that it got to the point where we didn't even enjoy what the Lord had given us, each other. We were so consumed with ourselves, when from the beginning all we ever wanted was to be consumed in no one but Jesus.
I say all of this because of where I stand now, at this point in my life. The girl that I care about more than anything in the world is no longer a part of my life. All because I lost sight of the reason I am here. I worshiped the creation instead of the Creator(Romans 1:25). I was proud. I bought into the lie that I was strong enough to run a God-centered relationship rather than focus on His word and let God center the relationship Himself, and there is not a day that goes by where I don't regret it. Not only because of the current outcome, but because I've lost one of my best friends, and most importantly I dragged the amazing name of Jesus through the dirt.
Again, I'm not writing all of this to sound preachy. So many times in my life I feel like I could echo Paul and state that I am the worst sinner of them all. Sometimes I feel that way. But I'm just a guy who doesn't want anyone else to make the same mistake that I did. The Lord has convicted me with one verse over the past month and a half. "If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall."- 1 Corinthians 10:12. For awhile I thought I was strong, I thought I was strong enough in my faith to carry out my intentions, our intentions. Now I see that intentions mean absolute crap if they are not rooted in God's holy word. If you rely on your own power you will fail. You may feel like you have things under control for awhile, but sooner or later you will fail and have one of two choices. Either submit to the holy God who gave you breath, or reject Him. I chose to again follow Him, and it is the best decision I've ever made. It is so painful at times, but I believe with everything in me that "His power works best in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9). Please just submit to Him, you will not regret it. Make your life about Him, let Him fill your life.
As for me, I'm determined to make my life about loving. Not the world's definition of love. But genuine, agape, unconditional love. It is a huge goal, and one that I most definitely cannot do without Christ's doing, but I know and believe that as I pursue it, Jesus will give me everything that I need. Seek Jesus, He is so worth it.
That is where I'm at right now. At 2:12am.
Before I go a step further, I want to clarify that this blog is a place for me to be real. This is not me sugar coating my life or coming up with something fancy to say to try and impress. I refuse to be one of those cocky people that no one wants to be around who says "this is me, if you don't like it, then step off", that is not what I'm saying. All I'm saying is that this is the real Adam, I guess you could say, the 'new' Adam. I mean I'm still the same ridiculous guy, but the God that I serve has been radically changing my thinking and this is my spot to document that change, and to grow in Him, and to hopefully be able to encourage anyone who needs encouragement. This is me being real.
Jesus has been testing me like crazy lately, at least I think He has. I'm not a big fan of when people try and chart God and say that they just 'know' that God is testing them. I completely believe that God has placed the Holy Spirit inside of me to discern right from wrong, and to do amazing things through me. But I also believe that as a flawed human being, I, like anyone else, can be deceived and subconsciously stir up feelings within myself and call them 'from God' if I so choose. And if the Lord intended me to move on every feeling that I had within myself, then what would be the point of faith? That is why I feel it is so important to turn to like-minded believers and ultimately to God's perfect Word for the answers. I cannot move entirely off feelings, and if I did I'd probably be getting myself into a lot of trouble.
Anyway, back to my original thought. Testing. The Bible is clear in multiple verses that the Lord tests us to refine our faith (James 1:3-4). And even commands that we evaluate ourselves and our faith on a regular basis (can't remember the exact passage but I just read it recently!). Well, I really feel like God has been testing me a lot lately. I don't feel like it's super necessary to go into details, but the amazing thing about God is that even though it hurts me inside, and makes me want to break down and cry at times, it has brought me to the point of placing my trust completely in Him. And there is no other feeling like that. I wish you all could feel it, and I'm sure some of you have. It's nothing supernatural, it's just coming that point of realization and complete surrender in knowing that Jesus is in absolute control of the situation, of every situation. That used to bother me. I used to be upset that I had no control over my life, that there was no use in making any plans because 1.) God determines my steps (Proverbs 16:9) and 2.) I could die tomorrow (James 4:13-14). But once I reached my so-called "rock-bottom" and was reminded by Jesus that the 70 years I'm on this earth is not about me, and that "everything comes from Him and exists by His power and is intended for His glory" (Romans 11 36), it no longer bothered me. In fact, it was actually a relief to know that I am not in control, that I can go to Him for rest when I am weak and cast those burdens on Him. That I'm here for 2 reasons, to love Jesus and to love people. To love.
That idea of love is a touchy subject, a very opinionated subject. And anyone who knows me knows that I am a very opinionated individual. That is why I am throwing my opinions in the garbage and relying on God's word for the true definition of love. I have loved one girl in my 21 years and 11 months on this earth. One girl. She is an amazing girl with an incredible heart, regardless of what she wants to make me think. There is no reason to pen her name, she knows exactly who she is. No, this is not an open session for me to ramble about relationships, or the past, or to gossip or change topic. I promise it will tie in to my original thought/thoughts. I loved this girl, I still love this girl, and at times I wish I didn't. It would make things so much easier. We didn't always get along, we were both very opinionated, we were both very alike. Way more alike than either of us care to admit. We didn't always honor the Lord. We were consumed with what we wanted, with our plans, so much so that it got to the point where we didn't even enjoy what the Lord had given us, each other. We were so consumed with ourselves, when from the beginning all we ever wanted was to be consumed in no one but Jesus.
I say all of this because of where I stand now, at this point in my life. The girl that I care about more than anything in the world is no longer a part of my life. All because I lost sight of the reason I am here. I worshiped the creation instead of the Creator(Romans 1:25). I was proud. I bought into the lie that I was strong enough to run a God-centered relationship rather than focus on His word and let God center the relationship Himself, and there is not a day that goes by where I don't regret it. Not only because of the current outcome, but because I've lost one of my best friends, and most importantly I dragged the amazing name of Jesus through the dirt.
Again, I'm not writing all of this to sound preachy. So many times in my life I feel like I could echo Paul and state that I am the worst sinner of them all. Sometimes I feel that way. But I'm just a guy who doesn't want anyone else to make the same mistake that I did. The Lord has convicted me with one verse over the past month and a half. "If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall."- 1 Corinthians 10:12. For awhile I thought I was strong, I thought I was strong enough in my faith to carry out my intentions, our intentions. Now I see that intentions mean absolute crap if they are not rooted in God's holy word. If you rely on your own power you will fail. You may feel like you have things under control for awhile, but sooner or later you will fail and have one of two choices. Either submit to the holy God who gave you breath, or reject Him. I chose to again follow Him, and it is the best decision I've ever made. It is so painful at times, but I believe with everything in me that "His power works best in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9). Please just submit to Him, you will not regret it. Make your life about Him, let Him fill your life.
As for me, I'm determined to make my life about loving. Not the world's definition of love. But genuine, agape, unconditional love. It is a huge goal, and one that I most definitely cannot do without Christ's doing, but I know and believe that as I pursue it, Jesus will give me everything that I need. Seek Jesus, He is so worth it.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Content
Let me be content in You. You will give me what I need, when I need it. It's not about me, it's all about You.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Amused By My Fuzzy Face
I've never grown out my facial hair for more than a week.
My neck is itchy. I hate it, it's uncomfortable. I look like a bum.
But I was challenged by an 8th grader to let it go for the month.
I can't back down, IT'S ON.
My neck is itchy. I hate it, it's uncomfortable. I look like a bum.
But I was challenged by an 8th grader to let it go for the month.
I can't back down, IT'S ON.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Less Talking, More Doing.
"For we don't live for ourselves or die for ourselves. If we live, it's to honor the Lord. And if we die, it's to honor the Lord. So whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord."- Romans 14: 7-8
When I read that verse last night, it kinda slapped me in the face. Heard it before, claimed to follow its principle before, never really have. For so long I've lived this life like its mine. For so long I've had this mindset that God gave me life on this earth, so I'm going to do what I want, follow the paths that I choose, and live a comfortable lifestyle that makes me happy and comfortable. I've never really stopped and said it in that way, but that's how most of us live, it's our nature. Recently, I've been trying my hardest to escape that mindset. And I've been realizing that it's not an easy thing to do, especially if I'm not in God's word, constantly. This is not my life, as much as the world wants to tell me it is, I'm here for one reason and that's to give God praise in every single thing that I do, and whoever I am with. I'm trying to remember that every single day and while it's so hard, these verses are kicking my butt and helping me to remember my purpose.
"So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." -1 Corinthians 10:31
"for through Him God created everything in the heavenly realms and on earth. He made the things we can see and the things we can't see, such as thrones, kingdoms, rulers and authorities in the unseen world. Everything was created through Him and for Him." -Colossians 1:16
"don't you realize that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price." -1 Corinthians 6:19-20
So stoked on God's ability to change hearts.
When I read that verse last night, it kinda slapped me in the face. Heard it before, claimed to follow its principle before, never really have. For so long I've lived this life like its mine. For so long I've had this mindset that God gave me life on this earth, so I'm going to do what I want, follow the paths that I choose, and live a comfortable lifestyle that makes me happy and comfortable. I've never really stopped and said it in that way, but that's how most of us live, it's our nature. Recently, I've been trying my hardest to escape that mindset. And I've been realizing that it's not an easy thing to do, especially if I'm not in God's word, constantly. This is not my life, as much as the world wants to tell me it is, I'm here for one reason and that's to give God praise in every single thing that I do, and whoever I am with. I'm trying to remember that every single day and while it's so hard, these verses are kicking my butt and helping me to remember my purpose.
"So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." -1 Corinthians 10:31
"for through Him God created everything in the heavenly realms and on earth. He made the things we can see and the things we can't see, such as thrones, kingdoms, rulers and authorities in the unseen world. Everything was created through Him and for Him." -Colossians 1:16
"don't you realize that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price." -1 Corinthians 6:19-20
So stoked on God's ability to change hearts.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
My Renaissance
Mat Kearney is all I hear. He's been playing through these headphones for the last half hour. Maybe not the wisest choice to listen to at this time of the night, at this time of the year, at this time in my life. But I can't bring myself to change the artist. His lyrics are hitting home, sometimes I feel like they were written for me.
This week has been incredible. So many changes, so much to look forward to. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm actually doing what the Lord wants me to do, not what I want to do. 5 nights ago He gave me that peace that I could not even began to understand. It was amazing. But day after day I am realizing how crucial it is to continue to fill my mind with His word. Yeah, I could go ahead and fill my mind with other things, I could occupy myself with things, or with events, or constantly bounce from one thing to the next, but it's not the same as being in His word. Without it, all I think about is what I need, what I think I'm missing in my life to where I'll be content. When He's on my mind, there's nothing else I need.
"I got a letter today of why she went away
She said, "It's better this way, you knew I never could stay."
Half empty closets and frames, all that's left to my name
As she left in the rain and left my heart on a chain
Three years I've built this two-face tower for hours on a lease
You gave me one yellow flower that said rest in peace
In pieces I've broken open to think too much or just enough
Alone to trust midst the rubble and the dust
Humbled, it took this much to break down and understand"
"This is my broken heart
This is my bleeding start
This is the way I've come to know You
This is my winding road
This is my way back home
This is the narrow door You know that I will walk through"
-Mat Kearney
This week has been incredible. So many changes, so much to look forward to. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm actually doing what the Lord wants me to do, not what I want to do. 5 nights ago He gave me that peace that I could not even began to understand. It was amazing. But day after day I am realizing how crucial it is to continue to fill my mind with His word. Yeah, I could go ahead and fill my mind with other things, I could occupy myself with things, or with events, or constantly bounce from one thing to the next, but it's not the same as being in His word. Without it, all I think about is what I need, what I think I'm missing in my life to where I'll be content. When He's on my mind, there's nothing else I need.
"I got a letter today of why she went away
She said, "It's better this way, you knew I never could stay."
Half empty closets and frames, all that's left to my name
As she left in the rain and left my heart on a chain
Three years I've built this two-face tower for hours on a lease
You gave me one yellow flower that said rest in peace
In pieces I've broken open to think too much or just enough
Alone to trust midst the rubble and the dust
Humbled, it took this much to break down and understand"
"This is my broken heart
This is my bleeding start
This is the way I've come to know You
This is my winding road
This is my way back home
This is the narrow door You know that I will walk through"
-Mat Kearney
Friday, December 4, 2009
Promises
"By His divine power God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence. And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world's corruption caused by human desires. In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God's promises." -2 Peter 1:3-5
I read those verses this morning the way that I often do, hurriedly so that I can move on with my day. Then I read them a second time and was convicted by the last passage, this idea of 'responding' to God's promises. I love God's promises, they're what keep me going at times. But then I started to take a look at my life and question how often I've actually 'responded' to those promises with bold acts of faith and trust. In the past, not often at all. I'll read them, be moved by them, and then continue living my life without responding to these incredible promises.
It's so easy to hear the promises of God's word and say that I believe in them. People love to quote Philippians 4:13. Another one is Proverbs 3:5-6. They are without a doubt two of my favorite promises. But it's sad to me because I don't see many people basing their lives on these promises, I don't see many believers 'responding' to these promises in the lifestyle they are living, myself included. I see more people following their own desires, chasing things and dreams that they full well know are going to pass away, things that they think they need.
My whole life I've lived that way. Chasing things that I know are doing absolutely nothing for the kingdom. Again, I hate to sound all super spiritual because that's not my intention. So if I'm somehow coming off that way, I apologize, I'm just trying to be real. I've lived this life thinking that I somehow know what I need. I don't know what I need. I know what I want, but I don't know what I need. What I would like is a stable, good paying job, a beautiful, godly, supportive wife, about 3 or 4 kids, a nice house somewhere on the coast, and a couple cars in the driveway. Those are not necessarily bad things to want, but have I stopped for one second to ask the God who created me what He wants? What I actually need? Not recently.
I've quoted His promises for too long without living by them, without responding to them. I can't do it anymore. I'm taking a big step of faith. I'm holding onto the promise of Matthew 6:33. "Seek the kingdom of God above ALL else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need." I'm going to attempt to actually respond to that promise.
I read those verses this morning the way that I often do, hurriedly so that I can move on with my day. Then I read them a second time and was convicted by the last passage, this idea of 'responding' to God's promises. I love God's promises, they're what keep me going at times. But then I started to take a look at my life and question how often I've actually 'responded' to those promises with bold acts of faith and trust. In the past, not often at all. I'll read them, be moved by them, and then continue living my life without responding to these incredible promises.
It's so easy to hear the promises of God's word and say that I believe in them. People love to quote Philippians 4:13. Another one is Proverbs 3:5-6. They are without a doubt two of my favorite promises. But it's sad to me because I don't see many people basing their lives on these promises, I don't see many believers 'responding' to these promises in the lifestyle they are living, myself included. I see more people following their own desires, chasing things and dreams that they full well know are going to pass away, things that they think they need.
My whole life I've lived that way. Chasing things that I know are doing absolutely nothing for the kingdom. Again, I hate to sound all super spiritual because that's not my intention. So if I'm somehow coming off that way, I apologize, I'm just trying to be real. I've lived this life thinking that I somehow know what I need. I don't know what I need. I know what I want, but I don't know what I need. What I would like is a stable, good paying job, a beautiful, godly, supportive wife, about 3 or 4 kids, a nice house somewhere on the coast, and a couple cars in the driveway. Those are not necessarily bad things to want, but have I stopped for one second to ask the God who created me what He wants? What I actually need? Not recently.
I've quoted His promises for too long without living by them, without responding to them. I can't do it anymore. I'm taking a big step of faith. I'm holding onto the promise of Matthew 6:33. "Seek the kingdom of God above ALL else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need." I'm going to attempt to actually respond to that promise.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Amazed
God you never cease to amaze me. How you can change hearts over night is incredible. Help me to not resent those who are stuck thinking this life is about them, that their dreams supercede Your dreams for them. And help me to not fall back into that mindset. I was there for so long and it's so easy to do. Help me to have compassion for them and pray for change that only You can bring. Help this fire to not burn out like it has in the past. Help me to love the haters, the fakes, and the gossipers, something so hard to do at times. Help me to trust.
Thank You for never giving up on me.
"There are days when I'm right where I'm supposed to be
but mostly I am far away
I'm learning to live the way I should
I'm learning to love the way You would
and today it's been made clear that I've walked so far alone
It's easy wanting something more
I will dive, close to You."
Thank You for never giving up on me.
"There are days when I'm right where I'm supposed to be
but mostly I am far away
I'm learning to live the way I should
I'm learning to love the way You would
and today it's been made clear that I've walked so far alone
It's easy wanting something more
I will dive, close to You."
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
"Instead Of A Show"
"Your eyes are closed when you're praying
You sing right along with the band
You shine up your shoes for services
There's blood on your hands
You turned your back on the homeless
And the ones that don't fit in your plan
Quit playing religion games
There's blood on your hands"
-Jon Foreman
Heard this song today, to be honest I didn't even like it that much. Love Jon Foreman but thought this particular song was just meh. But then I started to actually listen to the words and I was convicted by it. I've been there. I've closed my eyes and I've sang the words to these songs, all the while not even focusing on the One that I'm singing to. It's so easy to get caught up in the 'feel good' of the music, and to put on your Sunday best and forget the real reason that we meet together. When I really stop and think about who I'm singing to, it's pretty intimidating to be honest. Definitely made me think.
You sing right along with the band
You shine up your shoes for services
There's blood on your hands
You turned your back on the homeless
And the ones that don't fit in your plan
Quit playing religion games
There's blood on your hands"
-Jon Foreman
Heard this song today, to be honest I didn't even like it that much. Love Jon Foreman but thought this particular song was just meh. But then I started to actually listen to the words and I was convicted by it. I've been there. I've closed my eyes and I've sang the words to these songs, all the while not even focusing on the One that I'm singing to. It's so easy to get caught up in the 'feel good' of the music, and to put on your Sunday best and forget the real reason that we meet together. When I really stop and think about who I'm singing to, it's pretty intimidating to be honest. Definitely made me think.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Wake-Up Call.
I am new to this whole blogging thing, but I really feel like so many thoughts that I have floating around in my mind vanish if I don't write them down, so I think I'm finally going to give this a shot.
A pet peeve of mine is bloggers who feel the need to state their thoughts or opinions in a matter-of-factly tone, as if what they have to say is going to make it into the LA Times. My only hope through all of this is to state my crazy thoughts in a humble manner and maybe even be able to help someone who is experiencing the same struggles that I am. I don't plan on many people reading what I have to say, but if someone does happen to stumble across my words, and I am coming across as self-righteous, please please confront me on it!
Speaking of humble intentions, it seems like every time I get to thinking that I have life figured out I am humbled by God, and not just humbled, but mega-humbled. Just when I get lost enough in my stupid naturalistic mindset and start to think that I have even an ounce of control over my life, I get a wake-up call. It's so easy for me to sound very mono tone about the whole thing, but this most recent experience has been one I'll never forget. Painful is an understatement.
At the age of 21, almost 22, I am finally coming to the realization that my intentions are not good enough anymore. I am just not intentional enough with them. I need Jesus. I need this God that I've claimed to have followed over the past couple of years to lead me. I am done trying to lead myself, I am done trying to live for acceptance, for comfort, for vanity. I cannot add Jesus to my life anymore, that is a very popular thing to do nowadays, something I've done for so long, but I can't do it anymore, I won't.
Another pet peeve of mine is those who present themselves with this holier-than-thou mentality, to feel the need to use fancy words and get super-preachy. Head knowledge can only get you so far. I don't ever want to present myself in that manner, because if anyone has some learning to do it is me. I'm finding that out more and more each and every day. I'm a baby in this faith and while I have the head knowledge, I'm thirsting for that faith to act on that knowledge. Anyone can say that they believe something, believe scripture, believe in God. But how much weight do those words hold if you're not acting on them? I'm saying these things as a guy who is just as guilty of them as anyone else, but I want change, my heart burns for it. Not temporary change, but genuine lasting change.
So my desire through this whole blog thing is to hopefully gather some like-minded believers who desire that same change, to build me up as I help build them up. To grow with brothers and sisters who want to love our God with a love that maybe sometimes doesn't make sense, and to motivate and love each other through the good times and the bad. Maybe that's a stretch but it's a goal. I'm still the same crazy, funny, music loving, drives too fast, hopeless romantic Adam but I'm just trying to take that next step into loving God at my full capacity and I would love your help. And if the only thing that comes out of this blog is a chance to ramble about little nothings in my life and to look back at this crazy season in my life, well then that's okay too.
A pet peeve of mine is bloggers who feel the need to state their thoughts or opinions in a matter-of-factly tone, as if what they have to say is going to make it into the LA Times. My only hope through all of this is to state my crazy thoughts in a humble manner and maybe even be able to help someone who is experiencing the same struggles that I am. I don't plan on many people reading what I have to say, but if someone does happen to stumble across my words, and I am coming across as self-righteous, please please confront me on it!
Speaking of humble intentions, it seems like every time I get to thinking that I have life figured out I am humbled by God, and not just humbled, but mega-humbled. Just when I get lost enough in my stupid naturalistic mindset and start to think that I have even an ounce of control over my life, I get a wake-up call. It's so easy for me to sound very mono tone about the whole thing, but this most recent experience has been one I'll never forget. Painful is an understatement.
At the age of 21, almost 22, I am finally coming to the realization that my intentions are not good enough anymore. I am just not intentional enough with them. I need Jesus. I need this God that I've claimed to have followed over the past couple of years to lead me. I am done trying to lead myself, I am done trying to live for acceptance, for comfort, for vanity. I cannot add Jesus to my life anymore, that is a very popular thing to do nowadays, something I've done for so long, but I can't do it anymore, I won't.
Another pet peeve of mine is those who present themselves with this holier-than-thou mentality, to feel the need to use fancy words and get super-preachy. Head knowledge can only get you so far. I don't ever want to present myself in that manner, because if anyone has some learning to do it is me. I'm finding that out more and more each and every day. I'm a baby in this faith and while I have the head knowledge, I'm thirsting for that faith to act on that knowledge. Anyone can say that they believe something, believe scripture, believe in God. But how much weight do those words hold if you're not acting on them? I'm saying these things as a guy who is just as guilty of them as anyone else, but I want change, my heart burns for it. Not temporary change, but genuine lasting change.
So my desire through this whole blog thing is to hopefully gather some like-minded believers who desire that same change, to build me up as I help build them up. To grow with brothers and sisters who want to love our God with a love that maybe sometimes doesn't make sense, and to motivate and love each other through the good times and the bad. Maybe that's a stretch but it's a goal. I'm still the same crazy, funny, music loving, drives too fast, hopeless romantic Adam but I'm just trying to take that next step into loving God at my full capacity and I would love your help. And if the only thing that comes out of this blog is a chance to ramble about little nothings in my life and to look back at this crazy season in my life, well then that's okay too.
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